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fic: And Bad Mistakes, I've Made a Few - I Wish I Didn't Know Now What I Didn't Know Then
fic: And Bad Mistakes, I've Made a Few
Title: And Bad Mistakes, I've Made a Few
Author: lovablelexie
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Summary: Rachel is regretting her first time with Finn. She talks to the only person she thinks will understand, Quinn.
Disclaimer: This is a total piece of fiction, I own nothing and no one involved
Word Count: 3,712
A/N: It's been taking me much longer to finish fics lately (this one took two weeks!) But here it is and I hope you enjoy!

She hated herself. She was fine in the moment and in the moments leading up to it and even in the early dawn hours the next day. But when his mom and stepdad came home and he left to go have waffles with Puck and the guys without offering her an invitation and she found herself alone and sore underneath the spray of the shower, she hated herself. She thought giving herself to Finn would make her feel better about their relationship that was straining under the weight of senior year and their imminent college plans but it didn’t. In fact, it made her feel like an idiot and she didn’t even get any pleasure out of the ordeal. Finn, in typical fashion, had lasted only a few thrusts. He apologized profusely and managed to be up for the task again in a relatively short amount of time. He lasted a little bit longer the second time around but when she wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned his name, he was done yet again. When he came back from cleaning off in the bathroom, she was lying on her side, her back to him so he couldn’t see the tears shining in her eyes.

She purposely avoided him at school and gave him short one-word answers whenever he tried to talk to her. She wanted to take it all back, tell him that things weren’t working out, but now she felt tied to him. He was acting so sweet to her but she had a feeling that was only because he wanted to get into her pants again.

After weeks of pushing Finn away and keeping all of her feelings bottled up inside, she felt like she was going to burst. She needed to talk to someone who would understand, someone else who also regretted her first time. Only one person came to mind.


Rachel’s relationship with Quinn had fluctuated from enemies to semi-friends to non-existent to Glee Club acquaintances and now they were at a spot where she would once again consider them semi-friends. She hoped Quinn would be willing to talk about her experiences, she seemed more willing to open up now that Beth was somewhat back in her life, or would at least listen to Rachel vent.

She found Quinn underneath the bleachers during lunch hour on a Friday. Winter was just around the corner and the air was brisk with cold so most of the students remained inside. Even though Quinn no longer had her punk look or hung out with the Skanks, she still found refuge under the bleachers when she didn’t want to face the student body of McKinley. On this day, Rachel watched Quinn slip out the doors as everyone else headed to the cafeteria and silently followed her.

“I thought you quit smoking,” she said when she saw Quinn leaning against a silver pole, a lit cigarette dangling between her fingers.

Quinn eyed Rachel warily, wondering how she had found her, and licked her lips. “I did,” she responded. “But sometimes I just like to hold one while I think. It’s soothing.”

Rachel just stood there, fiddling with the strap of her purse that was draped over her shoulder. She wasn’t usually at a loss for words but she didn’t know how to broach the topic.

“Is there a reason you’re out here?” Quinn asked. “Or did you not want me to have any alone time?”

“No I-I wanted to talk to you about something…” She fell silent once again.

“Well?” Quinn asked, turning to fully face Rachel and throwing the cigarette onto the ground.

“Not here, it’s kind of personal. Would you mind coming over to my house this evening?”

“I will if you give me some hint as to what this is about.”

“It’s-well-it’s about Finn.” Rachel didn’t know why she was so nervous talking to Quinn, she would have to get over it if she wanted to discuss such a personal topic.

Quinn sighed and crossed her arms. “Okay, fine I’ll come over. But can I have the rest of lunch by myself?”

“Of course,” Rachel replied. “I’ll see you tonight.” She turned and walked away before the blonde could change her mind.


Quinn had only been in Rachel’s bedroom one other time, when they were trying to write a song for Regionals and she was attempting to win Finn back. Her plan was to befriend Rachel and then tear her down but she ended up actually liking the Glee Club’s resident diva and inspiring her to write an amazing song. Now it was almost a year later and she was once again in Rachel Berry’s bedroom and it hadn’t changed one bit.

“I appreciate you coming over here tonight,” Rachel said as she sat down on her bed, her back pressed against the headboard.

Quinn took a seat on the bottom edge of the bed and cut right to the chase. “So you slept with Finn, huh?”

“What?” Rachel spluttered. “How-how did you know?”

“Oh please,” Quinn scoffed. “He’s been following you around like a lost puppy and then you corner me at school and tell me to come over here so you can talk to me. I thought it was quite obvious.”

“Well you’re right. I did have intercourse with Finn.”

“So how was it?” Quinn asked as she absentmindedly picked at her fingernails, acting as if she didn’t care about the answer.

“To be honest, it was less than spectacular. And being completely honest, it was regrettable. I wish I hadn’t done it.”

“That bad?” Quinn asked, meeting Rachel’s gaze.

The brunette nodded. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I was wondering what it was like with you and Puck. I know you regret it because of your pregnancy but when you were in the moment, what was it like?”

Quinn fought down every instinct she had to get up and run away. She didn’t like to talk about that night but Rachel looked so vulnerable; she didn’t have any friends that she could talk to about something like this and she needed reassurance that what she was feeling wasn’t out of the norm. Quinn knew she could provide that for the girl so she decided to let her walls down for the first time since that night with Puck.
“It was okay, I guess. It wasn’t romantic or anything; he had a six-pack of wine coolers next to my bed. It was uncomfortable at first but then it started to feel good.”

“Did you…orgasm?” Rachel’s cheeks flushed pink when she asked the question.

“No. I was really close and thought I was going to but then it was over. Did you?”

“No.” Rachel stared down at her lap. “I didn’t even get a chance. It was over so fast; I never even got to the point where it felt good. I thought with sex it would be different, I thought I would finally get to experience that feeling with him.”

“Wait a minute,” Quinn said as Rachel’s words sunk in, “has he ever made you come?”

If it was possible, Rachel’s cheeks reddened even further. “No. He’s tried but when he touches me I can’t get to that point. It’s the way he touches me…it feels funny, almost like he’s pressing down too hard.”

“Has he ever…you know…gone down on you?” Now it was Quinn’s turn to blush.

Rachel shook her head. “He’s never even tried and I never asked him. I just assumed that was something he wasn’t interested in.”

Quinn’s frustration with Finn was building throughout the conversation and she finally reached her breaking point. “I’m sorry Rachel, but why are you two even still together? He doesn’t stand up for you, he always puts himself first, he ruined prom for both of us, and he can’t even give you pleasure. What’s the appeal?”

She expected Rachel to roll out the list of all the reasons why Finn was a perfect boyfriend or get angry and yell at her but what she didn’t expect was for the singer’s chocolate brown eyes to fill with tears. “He was the first boy who really liked me and wanted to be with me. He made me feel loved. But then he slept with Santana and lied to me about it. I thought I was better off without him but something keeps pulling me back. Remember at prom when I sang Jar of Hearts? I was thinking about him and meant every word of it. I want to quit him, be done with this whole thing but when I think about life without him, it hurts so much and I can’t do it.”

Quinn moved further up on the bed so she was sitting right across from Rachel, their knees practically touching. “Staying together because you don’t want to be alone is no reason to be in a relationship, Rachel. I know you know that. Besides, you’re going to New York in August and Finn is staying here and going to community college. Did you really expect this relationship to last forever?”

“At first I did. But after everything that’s happened between us…God, I’m so stupid. Why did I even have sex with him?” She looked up at Quinn with wide, sad eyes. “Do you ever wish you could get a redo of your first time? One that doesn’t make you feel like the scum of the earth afterwards?”

Quinn did know that feeling. While she had unconditional love for her daughter, she did want a better memory of her first time. Then, she wasn’t sure how it happened but she found her face so close to Rachel’s that their lips were almost touching. She had wanted to kiss Rachel for so long but never thought she would get a chance. She was about to pull away before she did something stupid when she heard the girl whisper, “Make me feel good Quinn.”

She couldn’t believe what she had just heard but she acted instinctively and closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to Rachel’s. The kiss was soft and sweet, neither girl wanting to rush anything. They both knew this was an opportunity to rectify past mistakes and they wanted to make it last.

Quinn ran her fingers through Rachel’s silky brown hair while their lips moved together in perfect harmony. Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn’s waist and held her close; she had never felt this much fire and passion from kissing before. She could already feel a burning desire in that spot behind her navel and her core tingled with want. She took the initiative and ran the tip of her tongue along Quinn’s full bottom lip, moaning quietly when Quinn’s tongue met hers.

Their tongues swirled around one another, pushing and pulling and exploring. Just when Rachel thought that she could kiss Quinn like this forever and nothing could be better, the blonde moved her open mouthed kiss to the singer’s jaw then down to her neck. Quinn ran her tongue all over the sensitive flesh and when she hit the spot right below Rachel’s earlobe, the smaller girl gasped and tangled a hand in Quinn’s hair. She continued to suck and lick at that spot making Rachel moan and beg her not to stop but she wanted more; she wanted to give Rachel all the feelings she never received from Finn.

While she continued to nip at Rachel’s neck, leaving tiny bite marks in her wake, Quinn brought her hands down to the hem of Rachel’s shirt. She hesitated but Rachel said assertively, “It’s okay, Quinn. Please,” and Quinn immediately lifted the material up and over the girl’s head. Her eyes widened when she took in the new expanses of Rachel’s skin that were exposed to her; from her prominent collarbones to the swell of her breasts that were contained by a nude colored bra, to the flat plain of her stomach and her hipbones. Quinn moaned softly in approval and reattached her lips to Rachel’s and this time she leaned forward so Rachel could lay down on the bed.

Quinn began kissing all over Rachel’s body letting her lips linger on the spots that made the brunette moan just a little bit louder or squeak in delight. She buried her face in the small valley of Rachel’s breasts and reached behind the girl, grateful when Rachel lifted her back so she could easily unclasp the bra. Quinn threw the offending garment to the floor and drank in the sight of Rachel’s bare breasts. They were tiny, sure, but Quinn had never seen anything so perfect; they suited Rachel’s petite body and her dusky nipples were already two hardened peaks just waiting to be sucked.

“You’re so beautiful,” Quinn said before enveloping a nipple in her mouth. Rachel gasped and instinctively arched her back while Quinn’s tongue flicked against her nipple. She paid equal attention to each bud and then began to move lower. Rachel whined softly when Quinn’s warm mouth left her breasts but her sound of protest quickly turned into a moan of pleasure when the blonde’s soft lips ghosted over her stomach and her tongue dipped into her navel.

“Mmm, Quinn,” Rachel moaned. “Please…lower. I need you.”

Only in her wildest dreams did Quinn ever think she would hear Rachel Berry say that she needed her so she wasn’t going to make the girl wait any longer. She placed sweet kisses across Rachel’s pelvic bone and hooked her thumbs into the short plaid skirt and glanced up, locking her gaze on dark brown eyes.

“It’s okay. I want you. Make me forget about him.”

Well that she could do. She removed the skirt and then immediately took off the white cotton boy shorts, stopping in her tracks when she fully saw Rachel for the first time. She stared at the singer’s body, thinking how perfect she was and wondering who could look at that glistening pussy and not want a taste. Finn was obviously an idiot. She was even more convinced of that when Rachel whimpered self-consciously.

“You’re perfect,” Quinn reassured her. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Rachel smiled but that wasn’t enough for Quinn; she kissed Rachel lovingly until the brunette moaned against her mouth and then she moved back down Rachel’s body until she was faced with the girl’s dripping sex. The musky scent of Rachel’s arousal assaulted her senses and she gently pulled apart the outer lips to get her first glimpse of the tiny nub that was Rachel’s clit.

“Fuck, I need to taste you,” Quinn murmured before diving in and running her tongue over the silky wet folds. Rachel yelped in surprise and pleasure and one of her hand fisted in the sheets while the other instinctively went to the back of Quinn’s head. Quinn explored Rachel’s most intimate parts with her tongue; she alternated between licking and flicking her clit and letting her tongue dip inside the tight opening. She had never done this before but judging by Rachel’s moans, Quinn’s skills were more than satisfactory.

Quinn looked up the flat expanse of Rachel’s stomach and over her breasts to her eyes. The brunette moaned from low in her throat when she made eye contact with Quinn. She ran her fingers on both hands through Quinn’s soft blonde hair and gently bucked her hips against the girl’s face. “Oh yes, Quinn, it feels so good. Don’t stop.”

She continued to lick Rachel, her tongue moving feverishly. Rachel was writhing above her and panting Quinn’s name in between moans; she was definitely getting close and Quinn wanted to feel her come against her mouth. She wrapped her lips around Rachel’s clit and sucked gently. Rachel wailed in pleasure and with a well-timed flick of Quinn’s tongue, she was falling over the edge into oblivion. Quinn lapped at Rachel’s juices, allowing her to ride out her orgasm. She pulled away when she felt the petite girl still and sigh in satisfaction.

“Did you like that?” Quinn asked, unable to keep a smug smile from gracing her face.

“That was, by far, the most erotic experience of my life. Your tongue really is quite talented. But I do believe you are wearing too many clothes.”

“Wh-what?” Quinn stuttered. “No Rach, this isn’t about me, it’s about you.”

“Quinn, you just gave me the best orgasm of my life and I thought this was about redoing our first times. I want to touch you. I want to feel you. Please.” The pleading tone in Rachel’s voice did not go unnoticed by Quinn and it made her whole body tingle. She leaned in and kissed Rachel tenderly which quickly turned deep and passionate when the singer’s deft fingers slipped under Quinn’s shirt and danced across her stomach.

The blonde moaned into Rachel’s mouth when her fingers circled around her rock hard nipples through her bra. The combination of Rachel’s fingers and the soft cotton of her bra rubbing against her sensitive nipples made Quinn shiver with need. Suddenly, she didn’t want to be wearing clothes anymore; she wanted skin on skin contact. Her hands went to work on her belt buckle and she unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them down while Rachel pulled her shirt off. She allowed Rachel to unclasp her bra and then remove her panties and she couldn’t help but notice the girl’s hands were shaking.

“Are you nervous?” she whispered and Rachel nodded.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Quinn was surprised Rachel was admitting to not knowing something but she found it endearing. She placed a warm kiss on the brunette’s forehead and said, “It’s okay. I trust you. I don’t know what I’m doing either but you seem to be enjoying it so far.” Rachel smiled and then confidently pulled Quinn’s panties down her hips and added them to the pile of clothes on the floor.

Now that they were both naked, Quinn pressed her body against Rachel’s and moaned as their nipples brushed against each other and their smooth skin melded perfectly together. Sensing that Rachel was still hesitant, Quinn trailed her fingers down the smaller girl’s body, pleased when Rachel mimicked her motions. She ran her index finger up and down the brunette’s wet slit and moaned when she felt Rachel do the same.

“Oh, Rachel, feels good. More,” Quinn demanded and Rachel was quick to oblige. She parted the girl’s outer lips and her middle finger found her clit and rubbed the tiny nub experimentally. Quinn’s body shivered with pleasure as she positioned two fingers at Rachel’s entrance and waited. Rachel took the hint placed her index and middle finger against Quinn’s hole. “Ready?” Quinn asked and with the tiniest nod from Rachel, they pushed their fingers inside one another at almost the same time.

“Ohhh,” they both moaned at the simultaneous feeling of being filled and the tight warm wetness around their fingers. Quinn took the initiative and began to pump her fingers, pulling them out almost completely before pushing them back in; Rachel tossed her head back and moaned from low in her throat and then began to move her fingers. They quickly found a rhythm that met both of their needs; Rachel learned that Quinn liked it slow and hard while Quinn realized that Rachel liked it fast and just a little bit rough. They pressed their foreheads together, tiny sweat droplets mingling together as their fingers thrust into each other bringing them to the brink.

“Q-Quinn,” Rachel panted. Her arm movements sped up and her thrusts became somewhat erratic and Quinn knew the girl was about to come.

“I’m right there too,” Quinn reassured her. “Let go.” And with a particularly rough push of Quinn’s fingers that caused the palm of her hand to hit her clit, Rachel came for the second time. Her fingers stilled inside of Quinn as her body shook with pleasure. The blonde canted her hips and rode Rachel’s fingers until her orgasm rolled through her entire body.

They laid there in content satisfaction; the only sound in the room their quiet breathing while they stared at each other in wonder. Rachel broke the silence first. “Thank you, Quinn. That’s the first time I will always remember.”

Quinn smiled as she responded, “I’m glad. And…if you want…maybe there could be a second time?”

Rachel smiled then kissed Quinn gently and that was all the reassurance the blonde needed.


At the beginning of senior year, Rachel thought she had her whole year planned out. She was going to do everything in her power to get into the best dramatics school in the country while helping Finn find and chase his dream. They would go to prom together and share their undying love that night and then have a carefree idyllic summer together until life more or less took them their separate ways.

Instead, Rachel broke up with him between Thanksgiving and Christmas and it took almost until graduation until they even had some semblance of a friendship again. The Glee Club didn’t win Nationals (in fact, they didn’t even place at Regionals what with everyone’s over-inflated egos and their need for the spotlight) and Rachel would never forgive herself for allowing Finn to kiss her onstage during their one chance at true show choir glory.

While her plans did not go accordingly she had learned a valuable lesson; sometimes the best moments in your life are things you never thought would happen. She thought she would be going to New York for college with Kurt but her friend had not been accepted to any East Coast schools and was heading to UCLA instead.

All of those seemingly insignificant moments during the past four years had led up to this; sitting in a cramped seat on a commercial airline on a sweltering August day about to start the next stage of her life. And sitting next to her holding her hand was the most important person in her life. As the roar of the engine started and the plane lifted into the air, Quinn turned to Rachel and squeezed her hand. “Here we go, baby. New York is waiting for us.”

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4 Martinis ~ Pour Me a Drink
mm_burnttoast From: mm_burnttoast Date: October 15th, 2011 04:44 am (UTC) (Link)
This was sweet, especially the ending. The beginning was very, very hot. Happy endings are so great. :D
sannn87 From: sannn87 Date: October 16th, 2011 11:39 am (UTC) (Link)
YAY!!! ANOTHER FIC!!!!!! Waiting for your fics is always painful, but always always worth it :D this one was no exception. Beautifully written, sweet and hot and great!!!
From: (Anonymous) Date: October 25th, 2011 12:45 am (UTC) (Link)


You are such a great writer. I'm in love. You are the best! ;)
Just never stop writing!
lovablelexie From: lovablelexie Date: October 25th, 2011 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Wow

Aww, you're sweet! Thanks so much for the comment and for reading! :)
4 Martinis ~ Pour Me a Drink