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fic: Seeing Double Part 7 - I Wish I Didn't Know Now What I Didn't Know Then
fic: Seeing Double Part 7
Title: Seeing Double
Author: lovablelexie
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Lea/Rachel
Summary: The rest of Rachel's vacation in LA....
Disclaimer: This is a total piece of fiction, I own nothing and no one involved
Word Count: 4,831
A/N: So this was just supposed to be a filler chapter and it turned into this! I really wanted to get this posted so I didn't do a thorough read-through so I apologize for any mistakes. Enjoy! Comments appreciated!

She’s in love with you. Lea had a restless night as her mind repeated Dianna’s words over and over again. She had first noticed the signs the second time she had initiated phone sex with the young actress. Rachel had sounded so excited to hear from her and asked how her day had been, something they had never done before. They always jumped right to the sex and usually only talked about how good it was, never anything to do with their day-to-day lives. Despite her better judgment Lea had indulged the girl and it snowballed into them having normal conversations a few times a week. And now Dianna had opened the floodgates by giving voice to what Lea had been trying to ignore.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like Rachel. The girl was a fireball in the bedroom and always willing to try something new but more than that, she was interesting. She may have originated from a small town in Ohio but she was now a full-fledged New Yorker and always had a story to share.

But Lea did not allow herself to fall in love, plain and simple. She had been burned and heartbroken two times and that was enough for her. She didn’t even date anymore; she preferred things to stay purely sexual. The closest she had come recently to a real relationship was with Dianna but she had panicked and told the blonde that they could only be friends (with maybe a little sex on the side.) To this point her sexual partners had understood but Rachel was bound to be different. The girl was a virgin the first time they had been together and as far as Lea knew she had not been sexually active with anyone else.

Fuck, I am so screwed, she thought. Rachel was in town for two more days. What would she do if they girl said those three dreaded words to her? Well I’ll just have to keep her distracted and exhausted. And I may as well start now.

Rachel had started to stir but she was not quite awake yet. Lea ducked under the covers and carefully spread Rachel’s legs apart and positioned herself between them. She lightly kissed the girl’s inner thighs and slowly made her way upward. She licked up and down Rachel’s slit and every so often dipped her tongue in and rubbed the strong muscle against her clit. Rachel whimpered softly and sleepily and instinctively opened her legs wider completely exposing herself to Lea. The actress took advantage of her newly granted access and swirled her tongue around the tight entrance. Her thumb joined the party and circled the tiny bundle of nerves.

Rachel’s eyes snapped open and she threw back the covers so she could watch. Lea looked up the flat expanse of Rachel’s stomach, over the firm peaks of her breasts and deep into her chocolate brown eyes.

“Fuck,” the singer muttered under her breath. Lea’s eyes were dark with desire and she wrapped her lips around the now erect clit and sucked vigorously. “Oh shit, fuck! Fuck!” She tossed her head back against the pillow and tried to lift her hips but Lea’s hands held her down.

While her lips and tongue ravished the firm bud, the brunette’s hands wandered upward over silky smooth skin and palmed Rachel’s breasts. She massaged the perky mounds and then pinched the nipples. “Yes, Lea, don’t stop” Rachel moaned as her hands tangled in the woman’s hair and the other gripped the pillowcase. Lea definitely had no intentions of stopping. She flattened her tongue and lapped at Rachel’s clit, causing the younger girl to keen and moan. Her fingers lazily circled her nipples as Rachel’s hips began a steady back and forward motion in an attempt to feel as much of Lea’s tongue as possible. She could feel a low burn from deep within her belly and knew that her orgasm was going to be long a drawn out.

“Le-Lea,” Rachel panted staring down at the dark head of hair between her legs. “I’m getting so close.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Lea pinched Rachel’s nipples and tugged them and the singer felt the warmth spread from her belly to her core and through the rest of her body. She moaned long and deep as her upper body turned to the side and she buried her face in the pillow. Lea could feel the girl’s clit twitch against her lips and she kissed the bundle before sitting back on her heels and smiling smugly.

“Mmm, good morning to you too,” Rachel mumbled into the pillow, too lazy to move her head. She lay there for a few more seconds and then she turned on her back and stretched her arms above her head.

“Hi,” she said almost shyly when she noticed that Lea had not once looked away from her. The woman’s eyes roamed from her face to her breasts that were even more on display due to her current position to her bare mound which was surprisingly still ready and willing to be touched. Lea didn’t say a word but Rachel could tell from her blown pupils and flare of her nostrils when she breathed in that she wanted to devour her.

Right when she felt the woman was going to pounce, Rachel jumped out of the bed and said, “I think I’m going to shower. Want to join me?” She raised one eyebrow, a trick she had learned from one of her cast mates, and headed out of the bedroom for the bathroom.

Lea did not immediately follow her so Rachel took her time brushing her teeth and thought about everything that had happened since her plane landed. She had been admittedly nervous about having a threesome but seeing Lea had such a calming effect on her. Sometimes she felt that Lea was a drug she was hopelessly addicted to but one she did not want to quit. It was almost as if she did not realize exactly how deep her feelings for the woman ran until she had watched her touch Dianna. She could still hear Lea’s dulcet voice saying, “My sweet Di” and it made her sick to her stomach with jealousy. It made her remember the one time Lea had referred to her as “My sweet Rach,” when they were caught up in the moment over the phone. She only said it the one time and Rachel held those words in a special place in her heart, the same place where she held the hope that one day Lea would come around to the idea of them dating.

Her friends back in New York must think she was some horrible prude because she never went out on dates. She had more than enough offers, from both women and men, but she just couldn’t allow herself to accept. She had Lea on the brain literally all the time. She woke up in the morning wishing she was next to her, she saw something funny or unusual (and there was no shortage of that in the city) and she wanted to call her up and tell her. The few times she gave in and kissed someone else, she compared his or her lips to Lea’s and no one had yet come close. She had fallen in love hard and fast and she was terrified she was going to end up heartbroken. She remembered how devastated she was when Finn broke up with her in the middle of the grimy hallway in high school and her feelings for him were nothing compared to what she now felt for Lea. But the one time she had asked the actress what exactly their relationship was she had deflected the question by saying she didn’t want to put labels on anything. And then she had proposed the threesome idea.

Just when her thoughts were about to get away from her entirely, Lea entered the bathroom. She was carrying two large white fluffy bath towels that she placed on the closed toilet lid before coming up behind Rachel and wrapping an arm around her waist. She kissed her bare shoulder and reached around to the toothbrush holder on the counter and grabbed the pink toiletry. “Why don’t you get the shower running and I’ll join you in a minute?”

Rachel turned on the shower and let the water run for a few minutes, sticking her hand in every few seconds until it was the perfect temperature before entering the stall. She tilted her head back and let the hot water wet her hair and run in rivulets down her back. She eyed the assortment of shampoos and body washes and reached for the kiwi mango scented shampoo when Lea entered the shower. The brunette embraced the younger girl from behind and took her earlobe into her mouth and nibbled it lightly. Rachel pushed her back tight against Lea’s body and moaned softly.

Lea grabbed the shampoo bottle out of Rachel’s hand and said above the splash of the water, “Let me get you clean so I can dirty you all up again.” She squeezed a quarter-sized dollop of shampoo into her palm and rubbed it into Rachel’s long brown locks gathering up a lather. Her nimble fingers massaged the diva’s scalp and Rachel closed her eyes feeling totally relaxed with Lea’s fingers in her hair and the steady stream of water beating off the her back. “Head back,” Lea said and she rinsed the suds out of the girl’s hair before applying conditioner. She then poured vanilla bean body wash into her palms and ran them slowly over Rachel’s body. She purposely took her time on the girl’s breasts, caressing them and letting her fingers swirl around the dark nipples. She moved lower over Rachel’s flat stomach, reaching around to her firm ass, and then down her tan legs.

Throughout all of this Rachel stood completely still, willing her body not to ravage Lea right then and there but to enjoy this pleasurable ride. When the last of the sudsy body wash was rinsed off her body Rachel took her turn shampooing Lea’s hair and lathering her body up with the fragrant soapy liquid. To her credit, Lea also remained still but the second Rachel’s hands left her skin she attacked. She grabbed the brunette by the back of the neck and smashed their lips together in a rough bruising kiss.

The kiss was forceful and messy, full of tongues pushing against one another and teeth clanging together. Rachel squealed in surprise when Lea wrapped her arms underneath her thighs and lifted her up pinning her against the shower wall. Despite the two of them being the same small stature Lea was much stronger, Rachel did not think she was capable of pulling off such an action.

The wall was cold against her back. She wrapped her legs around the brunette’s waist and thrust her lower half forward so only her shoulder blades were in contact with the cold tile. Lea leaned in and enclosed one of Rachel’s hard nipples in her warm mouth. She sucked and licked at the bud while Rachel let out tiny sexy moans her eyes locked on her own chest as she watched Lea’s actions.

Just when the small nipple was starting to redden from the welcome abuse Lea switched to its twin and paid it equal attention. Rachel’s legs released their hold on the actress and slid down her legs that were slick with water, her feet planting firmly on the ground. The young singer then attacked Lea’s neck with kisses. She sucked at the sensitive skin purposefully trying to leave a mark. Her mark, the one that would show the world that Lea Michele belonged to Rachel Berry. Because God knows that Lea had fucking marked her heart and ruined everybody else for her. Her mouth made its way to Lea’s collarbone and she bit it roughly causing the diva to yelp in pain. Rachel quickly lapped at the bite mark with her tongue then dropped to her knees.

The hard tile floor of the shower dug into her kneecaps and the tops of her feet but that couldn’t bother her, not when she could see Lea’s clit protruding from its hood and peeking between her outer lips as if saying hello. Rachel had no semblance of self-control, she dove right in and took Lea’s clit in her mouth and sucked on it gently.

“Oh fuck Rachel!” Lea shouted as she a grabbed a fistful of the brunette’s hair to steady herself. Her hips jerked forward of their own accord and she slowly began to hump against Rachel’s mouth. She was already on the edge; everything that she had done to Rachel had worked to turn her on as well. The brunette’s tongue flicked the stiff nub and she positioned two fingers at Lea’s entrance but did not push them inside. She merely teased the opening, circling her fingers around it.

“Damn it Rachel, fuck me already!” Lea was frustrated from the pent up sexual energy coursing through her body; she could practically feel the blood pumping in her veins and her tone was forceful. Rachel, however, continued to tease the hole while her tongue moved up and down on Lea’s clit. The diva growled, a deep mutinous sound, and said, “Rachel Berry you better fuck me right this second or I swear to Go-oh fuck!” Lea didn’t get to finish her sentence because Rachel had shoved two fingers inside of her and pumped them steadily.

Rachel could already feel the slight fluttering of Lea’s inner walls around her fingers so she pumped the digits furiously and wrapped her lips around the diva’s clit and sucked hard. “Fuck yes! Ra-Rachel, I’m gonna come!” Lea’s hands tightly gripped the brunette’s hair to keep her in place against her sex and when Rachel’s teeth grazed lightly against her clit, Lea lost all control. “Yes! Rachel, oh Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,” she moaned, the singer’s name the only word she knew how to say at this particular moment.

Rachel drank up every ounce of Lea’s juices feeling them drip down her chin along with stray trickles of the shower water. She pulled her fingers out of Lea’s body and let the stream of water wash them off. Her knees ached when she stood up and the blood rushed back to her feet causing them to tingle. “Water cold yet?” she asked, a triumphant smile on her face.

“I didn’t even noticed it until you said something,” Lea replied. She turned the faucet off and immediately felt the cool air seep in through the shower door.

They dried themselves off with the large white towels and Rachel exited the shower first. She went over to the sink counter and grabbed her hairbrush, running it through her wet locks. She was almost done when Lea wrapped a possessive arm around her waist and bent her over the counter. Rachel dropped the hairbrush at the bottom of the sink with a thud as her fingers slid over the slick white counter trying to find some sort of grip. “What are you doing?” She asked as her towel fell from her body and landed in a heap on the floor.

“Fucking you all weekend long. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?” Lea asked as she unceremoniously pushed two fingers into Rachel’s tight pussy. “You’re still so wet,” the brunette remarked. “You just can’t get enough can you?”

“N-no,” Rachel gasped. “I love when you fuck me.” She looked straight ahead into the mirror and watched Lea finger her from behind. The brunette’s hair was black and heavy with water and tiny rivulets ran from the ends down her chest, disappearing into the towel that was wrapped securely around her body. Her eyes looked determined and lustful as she pulled her fingers out of Rachel’s body except for the very tips and then pushed them back in hard and fast, a third digit now added to the mix.

Rachel let out an animalistic moan of pleasure. “Lea,” she demanded, her voice low and strained, “more.”

“More?” Lea questioned. She had never doubted anything that Rachel wanted, in fact she sometimes did things in the heat of the moment without even asking but she had never inserted more than three fingers and she was afraid of hurting the girl.

“Yes, more. Please.” The right side of Rachel’s face was now resting on the cool countertop, a stark contrast to her flaming hot skin.

Lea took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for what she was about to do. She lifted her thumb that had been keeping her pinkie finger at bay and let her smallest finger join its counterparts inside Rachel’s wet heat. The young singer hissed as the four fingers stretched her opening but the sound quickly turned into a moan. “Fuck yes…feels so good,” she mumbled. Her eyes fell closed and her left hand blindly reached for the faucet so she could hold onto something while her right hand ventured down between her legs.

When Lea saw what Rachel was doing she groaned in appreciation and said, “Yes baby, rub your clit. Touch yourself while I fuck you.” Rachel rubbed the stiff nub in fast circles with two of her fingers, a pace that Lea quickly matched. Rachel’s moans turned into high-pitched whimpers and her arm began to quiver from the effort she was putting into rubbing herself. “Lea,” she gasped and panted, “I…I…co-come-“

“Yes, I know baby. I know. Come for me.” Lea slammed her fingers as hard as she could and felt that rough patch of skin and Rachel let out an ear-piercing scream of pleasure. Her fingers continued to work over her clit but her movements were more sporadic as her body jerked and trembled. Lea continued to pump her fingers throughout the duration of Rachel’s orgasm; drawing it out and making it last longer.

When Rachel whimpered quietly signaling her exhaustion, Lea pulled her fingers out and kissed the diva’s shoulder. “I think you deserve a rest.” And even though it was still morning, Rachel had to agree.


For the next twenty-four hours, Lea and Rachel defiled every inch of the actress’s apartment, from the kitchen table to the outdoor balcony. When they weren’t having sex they were cuddling on the bed or on the couch. Rachel began to wonder why she had even packed clothes; she hadn’t worn any since Dianna walked through the door on her first night in town.

It was mid-afternoon the day before she was scheduled to fly back to New York and Rachel was under the covers in Lea’s bed, wrapped in the woman’s arms. They had just finished a particularly rough round of sex. Rachel could feel the bruises beginning to form on her hips from where Lea had held her down (God how she loved playing the submissive.) Her pussy was red and raw from all the attention and her body ached but not in a bad way. She had never felt more sexually satisfied yet something was missing from her trip.

“Lea?” she asked.

“Hmm?” She replied, absent-mindedly stroking Rachel’s arm.

“You know I leave tomorrow afternoon and…I haven’t even seen LA.”

“Well what do you want to see?”

“Don’t think I’m a total tourist but the footprints at Grauman’s, Barbra’s star on the Walk of Fame, and the ocean. I’ve never seen it and I would hate to be so close and miss it.”

Lea wrapped her arms tighter around Rachel and she placed a chaste kiss on her neck. “Okay, I’ll take you. Just after a nap. We both need one.”


The only other time Rachel had felt so enthralled with a city was the first time her dads had taken her to New York. Lea drove down the 101 with all the windows rolled down as she pointed out various sites like the Staples Center and USC. When they entered Hollywood and Rachel saw the sign all the way up in the hills, she mentally crossed it off her life’s to do list. She didn’t care about the smog that was nearly obstructing her view, she could see it and that counted for something. She squealed in delight when she saw Barbra’s foot and handprints at Grauman’s and couldn’t stop herself from putting her own hand into the dried cement. She was even more excited when she was that her idol’s star was right in front of the theater.

Lea observed Rachel’s excitement with a feeling of nostalgia. She remembered having that same sense of wonder when she had first arrived in Los Angeles but it had long sense worn away. After they had walked several blocks down the Walk of Fame, Rachel practically skipping all the way, Lea turned to her and asked, “Ready to see the ocean?”

Lea drove to Hermosa Beach so they could walk along the strand. Rachel’s eyes widened at her first sight of the ocean and all she wanted to do was take off her shoes and feel the sand between her toes. She ran all the way down to the edge of the water feeling the warm soft sand give way to the hard cold parts that were hit by the tides. She stood at the ocean’s edge and waited for the water to hit her toes. A particularly strong wave crested which caused the water to splash over not just her toes but her shins as well.

“Oh shit, it’s cold!” she screeched but still with a huge grin on her face.

“Well it is the ocean and it is April,” Lea said standing a few feet back from the water.

As Rachel approached her, Lea held out her hand and said “Here. A little souvenir from the Pacific Ocean.”

It was a tiny seashell, no bigger than a half dollar with pink and brown swirls. Rachel didn’t even bother to think about the long dead creature that had once inhabited the shell, this was the sweetest thing Lea had ever done for her and her heart gave a little flutter of excitement. She took the gift and flung her arms around the brunette and kissed her; a deep passionate kiss that, if she allowed herself to think about what it meant, scared Lea half to death.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Rachel said sincerely when she pulled away from the kiss.

“Not a problem,” Lea casually responded.

They walked along the beach for a while longer watching the sun set, turning the sky orange, then pink then a deep purple. Rachel reached out and grabbed Lea’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“You know what I just realized?” the young singer said. “It’s been a year since we met. It was April when I was in the city with my dads for Spring Break.”

She expected Lea to be happy or even smile but what happened was something that Rachel did not anticipate. The brunette yanked her hand away and took a few steps back, her eyes hard.

“Don’t,” she said harshly. “Don’t say things like that.” Lea’s stomach was in knots, her hands were clammy and she was afraid she was going to pass out. Had it really been a whole year? She had never had a relationship, fuck buddy or otherwise, last that long. And now here she was walking down the beach at sunset hand in hand with a naïve young woman. The need to run filled her senses but how could she? Rachel had nowhere to stay until her plane departed the next afternoon. So instead of running she lashed out.

“Whatever you think is going on between us, you’re wrong. We’re nothing. You’re a great lay, sure, but that’s all you’ll ever be to me.”

Rachel’s eyes welled with tears as she gripped the seashell in her closed fist. “Why are you being so mean?”

“So you’ll realize that we aren’t together and we never will be!”

“But why not? We have fun together don’t we?”

“Relationships aren’t all about fun. And besides I don’t date.” God, she hated herself right now. A few tears had fallen free from Rachel’s eyes and the girl refused to wipe them away choosing instead to let them roll down her cheeks. Lea wanted to reach out and kiss away the tears but knew she needed to say these things to avoid going down a dangerous road with Rachel.

“You know what I think?” The tears were still prevalent but Rachel’s voice was harsh. “I think you’re scared. Scared of what we could have. You’ve had ample opportunities to cease contact with me but you never have. I could have easily been a one-time thing for you and, you know, for a while I thought I was. But then out of the blue you text me and tell me to audition for your part in Spring Awakening. Then I get another text on my opening night. You came to see me. Think about every single time we’ve been together Lea. You’ve initiated every single one. You seek me out whenever you come to New York and now you invited me out here. You can’t tell me you do it just for the sex, even I’m not that arrogant to think that I am that great in bed. So you can say that you don’t care, that I am just a fuck buddy but I know that you are full of shit.”

Lea was speechless. It was like Rachel could see into her soul and see her deepest secrets. She was right; minus the first time when Rachel called out her name at the stage door, Lea always sought out contact with the singer. Hell she had left her cell number when she autographed Rachel’s playbill. What was it about the little diva that kept her coming back for more? Lea didn’t want to think about it so she just said, “Think whatever you want Rachel. But I don’t date, not your or anybody else.”

“You don’t have to be afraid of falling in love,” Rachel said, her voice calm and soothing. “I’ve been heartbroken before too but that doesn’t stop me from having feelings for you. I hope that one day you will be able to tell me who hurt you so much that you are this cynical.”

Who was this woman and how did she know so much? She made Lea feel so vulnerable yet protected at the same time. She was right, she was scared, scared of what dating Rachel would mean for her entire life. It was one thing to be in a same sex relationship on Broadway, theater people were so open and understanding. But Hollywood was another beast entirely. She had already heard the rumblings about how, if only she would get a nose job and some breast implants, she could be a leading lady. Throw in a lesbian relationship and she would be typecast forever. Her producer had already reprimanded her when word got to him that she and Dianna were fooling around in the trailers and she didn’t need everyone in the industry on her back.

“I...I just need some space,” she finally said after a moment’s silence.

“We live on opposite side of the country,” Rachel said, exasperated. “How much more space do you need?”

“I meant metaphorically. I have so much shit that I need to work out before I can even contemplate anything more happening between us. I’m not making any promises Rachel, but you’re right. We do have fun.” And for the first time since her hand had gone cold and clammy in Rachel’s grasp, Lea felt herself smile.


Rachel slept on the couch that night at her own insistence. She stated that if Lea wanted space they might as well start now. There was no malice in her tone when she said it, she really wanted to help Lea figure things out in any way she could.

Lea tossed and turned, her bed felt large and cold without Rachel and knowing that the woman was in the next room was driving her mad. She got out of bed and tip toed into the living room. Rachel was sound asleep on the couch, one leg sticking out from under the blanket and her left arm dangling off the couch, her fingers almost curled into a fist. She was beautiful when she slept; she looked so peaceful, so innocent. Lea couldn’t resist the urge to lean down and lightly kiss the singer’s forehead. Her lips barely touched skin when she noticed it; resting in the palm of Rachel’s hand was the tiny seashell she had given her at the beach.

And just like that, without any sort of warning, Lea felt the wall she had so diligently built around her heart begin to break.

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5 Martinis ~ Pour Me a Drink
lauraluvscasey From: lauraluvscasey Date: June 24th, 2011 04:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Nawww :) loved the update
flipflop555 From: flipflop555 Date: August 4th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC) (Link)
pleaseeeee dont kill me for the delay, i honestly dont know how i missed it!!! another excellenttttt chapter in a brilliant fic =)
lovablelexie From: lovablelexie Date: August 4th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Haha, I have a feeling this chapter slipped under the radar for a lot of people! Either way, glad you finally got around to it and thank you always for the review!
aquarius127 From: aquarius127 Date: July 18th, 2012 10:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

I loved this chapter so much! Hopefully Lea won't push Rachel away for too long! Her walls already beginning to break down, and I'm glad that you had Rachel point out that Lea always began their interactions, so Lea obviously feels something for Rachel, she just hasn't allowed herself to acknowledge it yet, but it looks like she's beginning to!

I hope you update this again soon, I really hope that you finish this!
lovablelexie From: lovablelexie Date: July 23rd, 2012 09:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much for all your reviews, they were such a pleasant surprise!! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and hopefully, someday, I will get around to finishing it!
5 Martinis ~ Pour Me a Drink